Jen Thorpe
Jen Thorpe

Women’s sexual fantasies — what do they mean?

Pssst … hey you. Guess what? Women think about sex … sometimes more than once a day. Sometimes we’re thinking about it while you’re talking to us at our desks. Sometimes we’re thinking about it on the bus. Sometimes we’re just thinking about it while having our lunch. We think about sex.

Pssst … there’s more. Women fantasise about sex too. We don’t just simply think about our last sexual experience with our partner, or that one great time on holiday in 1976, we make up stuff. That means we take in all the things we’ve ever wanted from a sexual experience and cram them all into one daydream, or night dream or middle-of-the-morning dream and just go with it. And you know what — we love it.

What I cannot impart with enough emphasis is that these are our fantasies. They are our imagination running wild and letting us get a little pleasure out of this soon to be dry and dusty old world. These are our fantasies and they are not to be used against us.

What do I mean by this? Someone on my previous blog commented that Mills & Boon put women out there as ready and waiting, and perhaps some of us are. But, I mean that if I fantasise about hanging upside down from a harness with petals falling from the sky whilst receiving wonderful sexual pleasure it doesn’t mean that I will do that in real life. And if I fantasise about being ravished by a strapping chap in chaps, against my will against a door that doesn’t mean that I’m giving any old man permission to do this to me against my will in reality. And if I fantasise about being raped, it doesn’t mean that I want someone to rape me, nor does it give anyone permission to rape me.

Fantasies are so enjoyable because you have complete control over them. They happen in your mind, and if you’re lucky enough to have a supportive partner who you trust, they might happen in your bedroom. But, as soon as that control is taken away they are no longer enjoyable.

My fantasies are not there for the taking. They don’t justify any unwanted sexual attention, and they most certainly don’t give someone permission to rape me.