Dale Imerman
Dale Imerman

No hanky panky allowed on new Airbus?!

Singapore Airlines’s inaugural A380 flight took to the skies a couple of days ago. But despite it being equipped with private double-bed suites in the first-class cabin, officials are reported to have said that passengers better not do the bouncy-bouncy in there … oh no!

My recent interest in aviation and lack of Thought Leader contribution stems from a trip to the United Kingdom last week — I was unfortunately stuck in the rear of the plane with the rest of the plebs and the only bouncy-bouncy I got was caused by turbulence in my 2cm-wide seat.

I would have sacrificed a limb for a double bed during the flight! But according to the first couple on the A380, things weren’t as peachy as one would think …

“So they’ll sell you a double bed, and give you privacy and endless champagne — and then say you can’t do what comes naturally?” proclaimed Tony Elwood, a 76-year-old chap who booked the suite with his wife but wasn’t impressed with the airline’s prudish demeanour. “Seems a bit strange,” he commented.

“There are things that are acceptable on an aircraft and things that aren’t, and the rules for behaviour in our double beds are the same ones that apply throughout the aircraft,” stated Stephen Forshaw, a Singapore Airlines official. He warned: “If couples used our double beds to engage in inappropriate activity, we would politely ask them to desist.” Surely the most obvious use (without sounding like a pervert) of an airborne double bed would be the horizontal mambo?

Gizmodo wonders what the consequences could possibly be: “get thrown off the plane?”

Sure, Singapore Airlines is based in a country that still approves of a good cane-whacking for the slightest foot out of place; does this mean that maybe, just maybe, that voyagers best keep their johnsons in their pants?

Apparently the doors actually close on the suites, so how would flight attendants actually know if one was engaging in the old in/out? Planes are so noisy anyway, they wouldn’t even hear anything!

The Times Online thinks that one of the most difficult temptations to resist aboard a Singapore Airlines double-bed flight is avoiding asking one of those gorgeous flight attendants, known as “the Singapore Girls”, to join one inside the comfy suite. But then, for the R93 000 price for two tickets in one of the suites, they would hope a good, swift caning would be included in the ticket price (eish!).

Take a look at the Airbus A380 complete guide.