“BEE company wins 10-year contract to feed Kruger visitors:

“A black economic empowerment group has been given a multimillion-rand contract to run all restaurants in the Kruger National Park, in Mpumalanga. The group has signed a lucrative 10-year contract with the South African National Parks to operate the Kruger’s 12 restaurants.” — UPI

The reporter from UPI’s hearing aid must have failed. It should read “BEE company to feed Kruger visitors to animals”. As confirmation, when asked how the animals found the tourists, the head gamekeeper replied: “Delicious.”

The work of the group is to ensure that the tourists run from all restaurants in the Kruger; not to run the restaurants themselves!

After they’ve had lunch, during which they’ve read the local crime-riddled newspapers, tourists are advised that that they are required to use the park’s ATM … which comes as quite a blow after what they’ve just read about local ATMs and occasioning a stampede into the bush, right into the wildlife.

An obvious downside is the fact that 90% of the Kruger’s wildlife is now camped out around the 12 restaurants with the balance of the park devoid of anything but illegal aliens crossing the borders …

A former highlight for visitors, watching animals hunt each other down, replaced with formerly hostile species frolicking with each other on the lawns, awaiting the post-lunch tourist stampede.

Worse, imagine the Kruger tourism video:

“Deep in the heart of Africa lies the Kruger National Park, 24-gazillion hectares of wild, untamed territory … populated by 32-billion species of ferocious animals, congregated around 12 … um … er … watering holes.”

Instead of the great videos of lions killing zebras:

“And there, deep in the bush, lies the majestic African lion … well, deep in thought behind that potplant on the lawn by Nandos, but I digress … Wait! He’s picked up on the scent of something. Crouching low, he’s off! He pounces on a … um … er … what appears to be … a wild Asian Japanese tourist … shit!”

Author

  • Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn in 1984 (Mrs Traps, aka "the government") and has three sons (who all look suspiciously like her ex-boss). He was a counsellor on the JCCI for a year around 1992. His passions include Derby County, Blue Bulls, Orlando Pirates, Proteas and Springboks. He takes Valium in order to cope with Bafana Bafana's results. Practice Michael Trapido Attorney (civil and criminal) 011 022 7332 Facebook

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Michael Trapido

Mike Trapido is a criminal attorney and publicist having also worked as an editor and journalist. He was born in Johannesburg and attended HA Jack and Highlands North High Schools. He married Robyn...

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