A detailed review of the DA’s manifesto

Page 1 — It is clear that the DA’s new iconography and message were borrowed from the Obama campaign in the United States, with a little inspiration from the PSL. (minus two points)

Page 2 — Isn’t it a crime to distort and deface the flag of a country, even if you are simply trying to get all of the colours into the picture without duplication. (minus one point)

Page 3 — Unimaginative layout of the contents page (minus one point)

Pages 4 & 5 — Helen, what’s with the soap-opera style imagery?

Let’s have more liberal community worker and less all my children. As regards the contents of the introductory letter, may I just point out, “ … or the prejudice of those in power … ” means that the DA can’t be prejudiced either.

Further, that when you say, “Merit and competence are entirely incidental in this kind of system. The people with prospects are those loyalists who can be relied upon to extend and entrench the network’s control over all levers of power both inside the party, and throughout society, and follow its instructions.” Are you referring to the fact that the same people have been thinking for the DA since 2000, without producing any increase in voter turnouts? And that instead of being fired they were feted and promoted?

And in what paradigm is an opportunity society and the welfare state (via a social security safety net and the basic income grant) on the same page, oh yes, only in DA land on page five. Having worked with a few of the people who pioneered non-racial ECD, let me politely say that the distinguishing features of your education plans are very questionable.

Your healthcare spiel is rather disturbing, as we all know the state of our public hospitals — which were twenty times worse prior to 1994 — but when you say that you want to train more doctors and nurses, where’s the plan for more schools of medicine and nursing?

And in respect of the crime diatribe, I agree that criminals feel that they can get away with it — but I also have 237 emails sent to the DA reporting a single criminal and a single set of crimes in a single setting — and yet the DA did and said nothing for and to the 600 000 people who were violated. So maybe we should be a little more circumspect about who we accuse of ineptness.

In respect of the rest of your crime story, I see that you are a fan of my position on justice. Thank you, the support is appreciated. (minus eight points)

Page 6 — Helen Zille looks like a soapie star and Joe Seremane is dressed in black, against a dark background, wearing a black cap. If I didn’t know Joe, I wouldn’t know it was him, and why is his head bowed? Aiyayeh! And I am accused of being unfair when I say that you’re racist? Aiyayeh! The photo doesn’t show his whole body? Is he in chains and manacles as well, you know, to prevent him from leaving the DA and returning to the light of Pan-Africanist liberalism, where Joe is a giant and freeman to boot.

The actual text on the page reads like the cross between a sound over for a forthcoming Jackie Chan movie; and the incoherent ramblings of Omar Khayyam after a few pipes. Seriously, from 50 MPs to Utopia in one election, please may I have the name and number of your muti-man, he’s obviously a genius. (minus 12 points)

Pages 7 & 8 — Look the DA isn’t a white party, they have coloured and black members as well. (minus six points)