Most major corporates invest millions of rands on innovation or R&D departments. R&D is that activity in the corporate world in which a bunch of nerdy, humourless and generally clueless sourpuss-scientist types spend their days creating products that will only become useful in the year 3245 AD and/or have no commercial value whatsoever. There’s a […]
Ndumiso Ngcobo
Once upon a time, Ndumiso Ngcobo used to be an intelligent, relevant man with a respectable (read: boring-as-crap) job which funded his extensive beer habit.
One day he woke up and discovered that he had lost his mind, quit his well-paying job, penned a collection of hallucinations. A bunch of racist white guys published the collection just to make him look more ridiculous and called it 'Some of my best friends are white'. (Two Dogs, ISBN 978-1-92013-718-2).
Nowadays he spends his days wandering the earth like Kwai Chang Caine, munching locusts, mumbling to himself like John the Baptist and searching for the meaning of life at the bottom of beer mugs.
The racist publishers have reared their ugly heads again and dangled money in his face to pen yet another collection of hallucinations entitled 'Is It Coz 'm Black'.
He will take cash, major credit cards and will perform a strip tease for contributions to his beer fund.
Posted inGeneral
Paul McCartney and the sexagenarian syndrome
I have no feelings one way or the other about Sir Paul McCartney. By the time I was born the whole narcotics-induced hysteria around The Beatles had died down somewhat and I only read about it retrospectively. As a matter of fact, I have no feelings about any other Beatle or any of those other […]
Posted inGeneral
The tricycle phenomenon
I have a friend who is a Catholic priest. He’s a sanctimonious, arrogant prick of colossal proportions, but there’s no need to worry about my soul: I’ll say ten Hail Mary’s and all will be sorted. About twelve years ago, while under the grip of my three-year long flirtation with atheism, I was locked in […]
Posted inGeneral
Debating 101: Taking the wind out of their sails
Regular readers of this blog appreciate the contempt I have for the activity known as debating. For the benefit of those not initiated in the savagery of the Silwane ways, here is a definition for you. Debate is a form of interaction between two human beings in which they engage for the purpose of proving […]
Posted inLifestyle
Other people’s bathrooms: Weird pleasures part II
The idea for this blog hit me as I sat catching up on my emails at an internet café somewhere in Roodepoort a few weeks ago. For some weird reason I found myself rubbing my hands in glee at the mere thought that I was reading my emails from someone else’s PC. I know; this […]
Posted inGeneral
And the anti-coconut parents descended upon the sandwich platter …
If you had told me that South Africans were passionate about their constitutional right to call each other by derogatory terms, I would have told you to put the blunt down or pass it along coz you’re clearly smoking potent stuff. If you had told me that South Africans would be sufficiently moved to pen […]
Posted inLifestyle
I’m a coconut and I’m proud of it — say it with me
A few weeks ago, I wrote a piece entitled “Of racists, kaffirs and coconuts” in which I wondered out loud if such a thing as a kaffir actually existed. That was at the height of the “Khoza fingers the kaffir” row. In that piece, I promised that I would return to the subject to complete […]
Posted inGeneral
The thin wallet and sheer bliss on tap
A few years ago I used to play in an inter-departmental indoor football league at work. The departmental team I played for was, at that time, an assembly of pathetic riffraff masquerading as football players. In short; they sucked seventeen lemons and their peels. I remember one particular fellow who used to take tiny Mr. […]
Posted inNews/Politics
Of racists, kaffirs and coconuts (part one)
It has always been my assertion that the phenomenon we call human intelligence is as real as Santa Claus, leprechauns, tokoloshes and a politician’s conscience. Yes, yes, I’m generalising, but I think it’s a fair generalisation if it is true for the rule. Bugger the exception. One feature of human beings that illustrates this is […]
Posted inGeneral
Sacred cows on the spit
Sigh. The lot of the writer is a difficult one. The comments on my previous offering have prompted me to write a follow-up post to another piece I wrote about six months ago. For the record, I receive at least three emails from irate readers chastising me for my callous disregard for sensitivity around most […]
Posted inLifestyle
Orgy on the road to Barberton?
So, did anyone else see the story of the Mpumalanga hitchhiker who was gang-raped by three women? Rape is a very serious matter — a gangrene that is eating away at the fabric of our society. There is nothing even remotely funny about it. Still, it is not too often that I read a story […]
Posted inGeneral
The collusion of bunny huggers and scientists against animals
Disclaimer: No animals were harmed during the writing of this blog. Also, the author of this blog has no beef (no pun) with scientists or bunny huggers. In fact, some of his best friends are bunny-hugging scientists. Did you see the story about the weird rodents that scientists have discovered that are immune to pain? […]