Michael Trapido
Michael Trapido

Stofile: pawn takes Springbok, Pillay takes pawn – checkmate

Do you remember the old Peter Stuyvesant adverts? Something like: “When it’s skiing time in St Moritz or the cowboys are bringing in the herd down El Paso way that’s where you’ll find them; for this is the great big wide world of Peter Stuyvesant yadda yadda yadda”.

Down here we get: “When the world’s economy is heading for the toilet and global warming is about to send every species known to man into extinction that’s when you’ll find him; down in parliament smoking something, for this is the great big wide world of Makhenkesi Stofile, South Africa’s Minister of Sport and Recreation”.

It’s politics, but not as we know it Jim.

The latest from the man from C.a.r.b.u.n.c.l.e seems to be that the Springbok emblem is the property of Stofile’s department and the South African Rugby Union has been using it illegally all this time. Accordingly this will require calling in the legal boffs to untangle the mess his latest ramblings have occasioned.

Of course while the lawyers are there and seeing as we have to waste tax payers money anyway, it would be silly not to deal with Stofile’s other issue as raised by the Pillay Commission into corruption in the Eastern Cape:

www.citizen.co.za/index/article.aspx?pDesc=71117,1,22

Considering the enormity of the allegations set out by a South African judge I’m sure that the Sports Minister, who appears to be a stickler for legal principles, would insist that this be cleared up at the same time. As the minister will appreciate if sportsmen wearing a jumping buck causes enormous emotional stress what price looting the money that could be used for any number of upliftment projects.

Of course given the choice between starving so that some geniuses can help themselves to public money or, horror of horrors, a jumping buck, the masses of our country will always prioritise the hated buck first. They were going to protest about it but because all the rights to our three major sports have gone to the pay channel while Nero fiddled, they really haven’t had the chance to see them anyway.

Even now I can imagine a group in Diepsloot squatter camp huddled around a fire, traumatised by the site of the jumping buck. Perhaps if the money half-inched in terms of the Pillay Report is recovered we can get those guys counseling … and a whole lot more.

Left to me I would put up pictures of all the parties negatively sited in the Pillay Report all around the squatter camps and townships. Perhaps a note below it reading “as soon as we have recovered the missing hundreds of millions from these men we’ll be back to you about improving feeding schemes and other upliftment projects”.

Perhaps to be fair you could also put up a sign: “BEWARE THE JUMPING BUCK”.

I agree with the minister: let’s send the Springbok issue to court!

Somewhere right now, in a South African village not far from you, the frantic search for their missing idiot continues.

  • http://letpeoplespeak.amagama.com Lyndall Beddy

    What we need is some activists in the T-Shirt buisiness again – so we can all wear Springbok T-shirts – show that the Springbok belongs to THE PEOPLE not our neo-Nazi state! (Or Neo-Communist – same thing).

  • klipspaaider

    Stofile’s arrogance is just unbelievable and obviously he’s also hinting at a conspiracy against him. Sounds familiar and nauseatingly predictable.

  • http://southafricanseamonkey.blogspot.com/ Po

    I think we need bumper stickers, caps and t-shirts saying “beware the jumping buck”. Love it.

  • Jon

    Every day, when you’ve gazed upon the ANC and seen Dumb and then you’ve seen Dumberer, you’d surely expect to see Dumberest? Like Julius?

    But what do you say when you encounter someone like Stofile?

    Dumberester?

    Boy, that crowd surely does have all the world’s dumbery all driven into the same corral, don’t they? Only the maverick Mugabe herd is missing.

  • Birdman

    Corruption 2: Springboks 0.
    Politics pays better than sport and hanging a springbok out to dry will distract the electorate, who are hungry, from bigger issues. What else is Stofile supposed to do? He cant be expected to plan ahead (unless it is to organise himself tickets to events). Nothing belongs to the people unless the ANC say so, anyway a Khakibos would be an alternative emblem that reflects our sporting administration and professionalism from the top down. It may stink but it keeps pests away. All South Africans can identify and relate to it
    Stofile is not checkmated and knowing how to bob and weave, dribble rings around opponents and commit professional fouls is a requirement of his job.
    Wait for the whistle, last minute upsets are quite common.

  • http://southafricanseamonkey.blogspot.com/ Po

    Trapido, I wrote you a haiku:

    Beware: Jumping Buck.
    It will give you bad luck, and
    cause crate-loads of kak.

  • http://www.tswinfo.com doberman

    Stofile would get my vote as mampara of the decade

  • Belle

    Yay for raising the Pillay report, Traps. Saffricans have such short memories.

    Would also like Stofile to tell us whether his son, arrested in his father’s home with a cache of illegal firearms, was ever convicted of the multiple charges of hijacking and theft.

  • http://letpeoplespeak.amagama.com Lyndall Beddy

    Belle

    Thanks for reminding us – time for the press to follow up on that one! People in glass houses should not throw stones.

  • http://letpeoplespeak.amagama.com Lyndall Beddy

    The Sunday Times had a beautiful picture of a black springbok baby that has just been born on a private game reserve.

    My friends tell me they are not that uncommon – and grow up to be black AND white!

    What could be a better symbol?