Tag Archives: parenting

‘Pay up!’ Unmarried fathers’ experiences of fatherhood

Dr. Elmien Lesch Research indicates that absent or uninvolved fathers have a negative impact on the psychosocial well-being of children. This is particularly important for South Africa as it has the second highest rate of father absence in Africa. It is important to keep in mind, however, that the presence of a father in itself…

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Not all women want men to be fathers

Not all men are fathers. Some men will always be just males. Until you have been a “childless father” or watch the Mzansi Magic television series Utatakho you will never know what that means. You will never know the pain, the emptiness that echoes in the heart of a man who is deprived an opportunity…

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Is trying good enough? A reflection on motherhood

By Hameeda Bassa-Suleman I have learnt a lot about mothers and mothering in the past seven years of studying, training and then practicing as a psychologist. For the most part, I knew what would theoretically make a “good enough mother”, according to Donald Winnicott, and what would make a “not-so-good” mother. When I began seeing…

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‘Get the f**k over here!’ Baltimore mom teaches respect

My ‘instinctive’ response Whammo! I loved it as this Baltimore mother gave her delinquent son a few snotklaps to teach him respect. Basic manners. Ja, bliksem him, the little bugger. He and his homies were stomping on and trashing them cars a few minutes ago, I betcha. I chortled as her tall, skinny son in…

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Fire on the mountain

To shout fire is an act of alarm demanding that everything we are doing at this moment is dropped and postponed because there is a real emergency that overrides all other considerations. The fire threatening us all is the failure of our African masculinity to answer so many of the questions that are being asked…

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When ‘educational’ programmes do more harm than good

On Human Rights Day my daughter who was at home asked if she could watch cartoons. Despite being very cautious about what I allow her to watch, that day I switched on assuming that the content would not be too bad as it was from SABC education. A programme called Thabang Thabong was playing, it…

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My daughter is black, I am white

By Janine Preesman My daughter is black, I am white. She currently speaks three languages, Dutch, which is her home language because it is mine, Afrikaans, because she started attending a pre-school that was predominantly Afrikaans and now, English, because since the beginning of this year she started attending a new pre-school, which is English…

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Talking to your kids about sex…

The other day as I undressed my one-year-old for a bath he noticed his penis for the very first time. He looked at it and touched it, amusing me with his fascination. He started making it a routine to check it out every time he takes a bath. It struck me that my three-year-old daughter…

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World’s Worst Mom

Just when you thought that the US networks had hit an all-time low with Bridalplasty, the reality TV show where future brides earn more time under the surgeon’s knife by stabbing their rivals in the back, along comes a programme that is so dangerous that it actually beggars belief. World’s Worst Mom, another “reality” show,…

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Why feminists (and all men and women) should care about paternity leave

When two people decide to have a child, is it fair that one of those people gets more paid time away from work to bond with that child? Is it also fair that this situates parental responsibility firmly in the hands of the parent with more leave? In South Africa, women are given up to…

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