Tag Archives: men

When do intimate relationships work?

I raise this question more as a kind of self-reflection than a hard-and-fast recipe of sorts. The latter cannot be supplied by anyone, for the “simple” reason that human beings are very complex creatures. While the interpersonal areas I reflect on below may indeed be important in all intimate relationships (and I do believe that…

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Masculinity and violence against women

During this period of encouraging the “proper” ethical behaviour towards women and children on the part of men, I have listened to a number of discussions on this topic on my car radio while driving, and I have not heard a single reference to Susan Faludi’s exemplary work in this field. Maybe it is because…

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The price men pay for their addiction to porn

The technological revolution that has given us television, the internet and almost inexhaustible sources of image consumption has also, concomitantly, given viewers and internet users access to pornography on a scale almost unimaginable. But, as one should know by now, technology is a pharmakon – poison AND cure – and therefore it should come as…

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Biology is not destiny

South African men’s lives have changed remarkably little over the last few centuries — according to the bulk of my undergraduate students. Such an understanding seems common knowledge in the communities from which most of my students are drawn. Since time immemorial, the dominant narrative goes, South African men have “always” been breadwinning heads of…

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Why did men stop holding hands?

In the 80s I would walk down the streets with black male friends holding hands while we chatted. It was an essential part of real male friendship and no-one would really give it a second glance. Many men would give no thought at all to draping their arms around one another as they walked and…

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Why I am a (man) feminist

I am a heterosexual man; I have been one for as long as I can remember. I remember three distinct stages of my development as such a man. I remember boyhood. During this time I had a healthy and innocent fascination with girls. I liked playing with them, I liked touching them and their attention…

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Dear men, please explain?

I’m a born and bred Jo’burger, so I take security seriously. This also applies to matters of the heart. When it comes to feeling anything for anyone, I have taken comprehensive measures to prevent anyone from getting to me. There’s the boom and the ADT guard, the four-metre wall, the electric fencing, razor wire, beams,…

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Why unequal gender relations are bad for everyone

Bathing in the warm, fuzzy glow of pay day, my boyfriend and I decided to head out for a drink this past Friday evening. We had set out later than planned, and it was a dark but warm night. The roads were busy, and we made our way from Illovo towards Melville via Parkhurst. The…

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Can men lead the women’s movement?

As many of you have heard, there was further violence against women at the Noord Street Taxi rank earlier this month. Two young women were assaulted by a mob of violent men, justified by the premise that they shouldn’t have been wearing revealing clothing. We have been here before, and this violence is evidence that…

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Should I just give up on men?

So there I was at the Indaba Hotel with a large group of fellow guests, having my toes twiddled by therapist at the Mangwanani Spa. I’d been tidying my cupboards out (again) and, quite by chance, found a voucher which was due to expire in the next three days. I booked, went along, and spent…

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