Ndumiso Ngcobo

I’m seriously considering voting for the FFP

Starvation dictates that I do some television work now and then. TV programmes pay for FHM subscriptions and other such essentials. To this end, I have taken part in two 13-episode seasons of a television debate/talk show called Drawing the Line. The show is hosted by Lebo Mashile, the poet, and the 2nd season airs…

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Do dof people know that they’re dof?

Reading through my last offering titled “Other people’s kids”, I realised that I had made an accidental point. You know, one I didn’t mean to make. I do that quite often and then when my readers point out that I made an excellent point, I pretend that I was aware of it all along. It’s…

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Other people’s kids

People assume that just because one is a parent, one loves kids. Rubbish, I can’t stand kids that are not my own. And there’s nothing I hate more than parents who can’t stop jabbering on and on about their kids and how smart they are and how “little Sizwe said the sweetest thing the other…

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Not everybody should be allowed to vote

Election fever is starting to grip the nation as it does round about this time, every 5 years. This is when that bunch of pretty uninspiring and overfed chair-breakers suddenly remember who made their obesity possible. As is the case around this time, there’s a lot of debate about who should be allowed to vote….

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Okay, hands up anyone who’s being inspired by Cope?

During my three-month hiatus from blogging, I received hundreds of emails from readers. This is the summary of what you had to say: 1. If you don’t update the Silwane Files soon, I will have no choice but slit my wrists. [Just do it.] 2. I hope you are busy with your divorce because I…

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Me, Madame Fifi and dripping taps

The last time I paid my brothel a visit, I left feeling much better about myself. No, not because of the clothes-pegs-on-earlobes thing Luscious Lulu likes doing. Frankly, I find that whole S&M routine disgusting. And immoral. It’s a good thing that I’m close to completing the scientific study I’ve been conducting in brothels for…

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No. Pedestrians are not like gemsbok

I have a morbid fear of being run over by a car. The fear is a little on the irrational side. Even if someone assured me that there were no vehicles within a 5km radius I would still cross the road the way I usually cross roads i.e. head swivelling left-and-right 60 times a second….

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Another year in the pursuit of misery

It’s that time of the year again when most people are in a resolute mood about all the things they’re going to change in the next twelve months. Needless to say, they won’t achieve anything. Nothing substantial in any case. The fatties won’t put down the supersized Double McGrease Deluxe Whopper Meals with extra onion…

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Jesus at Tops. Sanity is way overrated

Regular readers of this space are not in any doubt that the source of my inspiration is a brain that does not function too effectively. A mad brain. Today you will get a glimpse of just how insane I really am. Part of the reason I am struggling to keep up with the demand for…

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So, the dog finally catches its tail.

I really enjoyed seeing president Mbeki being booted out of office last week. No, not because I necessarily wanted him out. I quite enjoyed his time at the helm. Only a cursory glance through my posts will reveal that I quite like Mbeki — especially his brain. It’s a penchant I share with an individual…

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