Ndumiso Ngcobo
Ndumiso Ngcobo

The future of The Silwane Files

I suppose it was always inevitable. Someone was bound to see my column in the Sunday Times, add one and one and get eleven.

Look, I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a bunch of immature gits who find titillation in sordid tales about teenagers fornicating in public restrooms. But to nip the careering rumour mill in the bud, I thought I’d pop in and set the record straight.

1. No, I’m not dead yet.
2. As tempting as it was, I declined the offer to be the Swazi Reed Dance coordinator.
3. Yes, I am writing a regular column for the Sunday Times Lifestyle. Beer is expensive. But no, that’s not why I haven’t been updating this blog.

Yes, the M&G and the Sunday Times fish in the same ballpark waters. And while Mondli Makhanya is Zulu and all, I can assure you that he hasn’t challenged Nic Dawes to a mortal duel lately. Besides, this particular blog is the equivalent of a pimple inside a mosquito’s colon in the greater scheme of things. With that ridiculous rumour hopefully quelled, let’s move on.

The reality of a space such as Thought Leader is that the contributors will come and go. Sometimes they’ll come back and then disappear depending on their daily pressures. As a TL consumer myself, I must confess that I miss some of my favourite contributors when they haven’t written in a while — Kanthan Pillay, Tony Lancaster, Siyabonga Ntshingila, Jared Cinman, The Sumo etc come to mind. No one can really force them to write when they’re either just not inspired to write or are too busy. I hope that applies to me.

Here’s what’s going to happen. Until the managers of TL tell me to pack my bags and go hallucinate elsewhere or the forum’s relevance shrinks to the size of an amoeba’s kidney stone, The Silwane Files will remain alive. I will continue to update it in unpredictable spurts. Now and then I will manage to update it two, three or even four times a week. And then there will likely be spells such as the last three months where I’m so busy I become more elusive than a watermelon pit on a wet saucer.

Until I received literally hundreds of emails enquiring about my whereabouts, I didn’t realise so many people were starved of entertainment in this country, what with news content and Backstage re-runs alone. As a peace offering to all the pathetic hordes who’ve been clogging my inbox, I am submitting a piece on my favourite subject at the moment; Bible stories. We hope the overeager sub-editor types pass it. Otherwise, Silwane Files drought continua!

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  • http://hardtalk Siphiwo Siphiwo

    Eish, you’re so good in keeping people wondering. i dont know whether i should just curse with a big F- word, or celebrate your return or just ignore your re-appearance…mfxim, i just don’t know, somebody please help!

    This cockamamie belief that if you dont show up for months–more especially after you’ve written about sexual intercourse in the loo, we’ll just (from nowhere) forget about you should very soon stop. Just stop this BS of starving us of jollity, and continue doing what you good at–Updating your blog, regularly!

    Welcome back Silwane…

  • Dawn

    Yippee! Glad you’re still around. Maybe we’re not so much starved of entertainment, as of stuff worth reading. Please hallucinate, often. Thanks

  • Jon

    You’re a good Zulu, Ndumiso. In fact, you’d be a darn good sort even if you weren’t a Zulu. Why did I even bring Zulu into it?

  • pete ess

    Who missed you? Kidney stone.

  • Thapelo

    Having bought you recent book, i thought i would have overindulged you hallucination, yet i found myself yearning for more.

    Fortunately i have banned buying newspapers as i regard them as useless and waste of money, i would have seen that you are still around and have not accepted to be a Reed Dance coordinator job. I just have to stalk your column on Sunday Times on the net.

    Welcome back Silwane

  • Alto

    I have not been reading TL for long and this is the first time I have seen your column.
    I hope there’s more to it next time. Because this one was not sufficient for opinion forming.

  • http://amakhuze.blogspot.com Mzwandile

    Uyasihlukumeza boss, siyajabula ngoba usuduke waze wabuya. The hallucinations of our political leaders alone are not enough to satisfy our thirst. Welkom terug.

  • Zamangwanya Malgas

    I hate to admit that i look forward to your blogs, you simply crack me up. In the meantime though,i’ll keep rocking your books until you’re inspired to blog again…but please dont take forever!

    So long

  • http://http:/richmarksentinel.com/ Lyndall Beddy

    Siyabonga is writing on The Richmark Sentinal. You will find him there.

  • Pat Mlanduli

    Kanti uyaphila…Damn leyanyanga yadlala ngemali yami….lol!!!
    Glad to have you bec, micd the hallucinations

  • Sipho Lukhele

    This is your first blog I mananged to read at one go. I always have to back and finish reading your blogs. I was happy to see your column on Life style as that section of the paper was useless for me. I was about to through it away without even paging through it! The column you road was great as usual; God knows when I last head a person refer to the head as a cranium. Lol! Please don’t forget about us, the TL addicts. Good luck on your new venture.

  • Bongiwe

    So, you’ve decided to come back? A big welcome back to you. Hope you had a good time with the beer……

  • http://gillian-fromundermyhat.blogspot.com/ gilli

    so glad to have you back

  • the okey

    Good for you ,spear chugger ***sipping icey cold beverage***

  • Nokwanda


  • Gugu

    well, i flunked my august exams because of you! always used to read ur blog before i started with the study marathon. u got me fatally addicted to the stuff…and then u sommer just disappeared. hope ur happy :(

  • James Tobias


  • http://www.laura-land.blogspot.com Laura

    No to the Silwane Files drought, come back!