Kagure Mugo
Kagure Mugo

Kenyan men extend sex boycott

Men supposedly have a new weapon: sex.

I am extremely uncomfortable with this because, I thought it was our weapon but according to Kenyan men it is on like Donkey Kong and women in the country are being denied sex.

A men’s rights group in Kenya, Maendeleo ya Wanaume, called for a sexual boycott in order to protest gender-based violence against men. According to a report published in 2014 “300 men had been assaulted by their female partners” and “110 had lost a private part” to such attacks.

Men have even been called upon to refrain from interacting with women and should wave at them rather than shake hands. If they do insist on shaking hands then they should do so with their left hand but waving is better.

The boycott was extended after the chairperson of the organisation supposedly received a petition signed by 3 000 men requesting the extension in order to properly “stick it to these women” and have maximum impact. The chairperson furthered this idea by stating that minimum contact with women would drive the point home and ensure that “men were treated better”.

This would, in true Kenyan practice, culminate in a nationwide prayer session.

Now the question is to what extent should this all be supported and entertained?

Saying that men are being “mistreated by women” so they will be denied some good loving seems to be a case of furthering the war between the sexes.

It would seem that the men’s rights activists seem to think that gender-based violence and prejudice is an issue that affects them only. That they are facing a new social scourge never before seen in polite society.

It is not.

Women have faced this problem for centuries.

What is disconcerting about the way in which men’s-rights activists conduct themselves is that they seem to have drawn a line in the sand, seeking to fight back against the attack they think is coming from women who seek to “assert themselves”.

A great number of these groups seem to exist because they’re mad at the fact that women have brought about a grave injustice by … existing.

Increasingly these groups seem to think they are backed into a corner due to the fact that women will no longer sit quietly in the corner and accept life.

This can be seen in the fact that one of the “challenges men face”, which Maendeleo ya Wanaume has identified, is that 60% of households are headed up by women despite there being men in the household.

How is this violating men’s rights?

Men’s rights activists have bemoaned a number of things, like being left out of policies by the government, which has sought to focus on women and children. The men are complaining because they live in a country where until recently women could not inherit land and could be stripped in the streets because of how they are dressed. A country where children either live on the streets or pray to the good Lord above that someone loves them as there is no other social assistance in place.

Granted men do face some gender-based violence problems.

A study conducted at the University of Glasgow found that of the 200 women surveyed, “60% said ‘it was acceptable for women to hit their husbands’ while 35% admitted assaulting their partners and a total of 8% admitted to physically injuring them”.

In the UK a study showed that 40% of all reported domestic abuse cases were filled by men. The British-based survey, done in 2010 showed that 2 in 5 of all domestic abuse victims were men. A survey conducted in the same year in the US is much the same. A survey taken by the CDC in 2010, found that 40% of the victims of severe, physical domestic violence were men.

But these statistics do not take away from the fact that the numbers are much more severe on the other side. Therefore men throwing their proverbial toys out the cot comes off more “temper tantrum” and less “taking activism to the next level”.

What these men should be doing is finding a niche within the greater paradigm that already exists in terms of gender-based violence. Gender does not mean women, so making it seem like you are fighting a whole new battle when there is already a war going on is counter-productive.

What could be far more effective would be to show that gender-based violence is a problem on both sides of the fence and thus collective steps should be taken.

The fact that men are looking to “punish” women for the violence against men furthers the idea that it’s “go time” and the battle of the sexes is on.

Thinking like this is not going to end gender-based violence, chances are it will merely aggravate it. On both sides of the “divide” the thinking that the other side is the enemy merely perpetuates the problems that lead to the violence. “Men are this and women are that therefore life should be like this.” Anyone who does not fit the mould is punished.

Frankly I’m mostly wondering how effective this boycott is. I see a lot of men talking the talk at meetings and on petitions but faced with lingerie and a dim light, they might not necessarily be walking the walk.

As one man on Twitter asked: “Who is actually abstaining?”

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    • SouthAfrican Parody

      “but faced with lingerie and a dim light, they might not necessarily be walking the walk” – Your mindset betrays you. Men have every right to assert themselves as women do.

    • Alatha Ndlebe

      Kagure,

      If you replaced ‘mens rights activists’ with ‘feminists’ and swopped ‘men’ and ‘women’ your article would be just as sound if not more sound as it is now.

      How I wish you had penned a similar article sometime before this lamenting the double standards and inherent inequality of feminist ‘logic’.

      But alas, it is feminist logic itself which it appears you have espoused and are liberally spouting here in this piece.

      The toxic state co-opted/appropriated brand of ‘feminism’ that’s oh so popular with the new school can and will only lead to one outcome, blowback.

      Lets not act surprised or victimized when the chickens come home to roost.

      Equality for the win. Egalitarianism for the win. Tunnel visioned feminism and MRA are just additional distractions on the path to humankind achieving true freedom from the real oppressors.

    • roi boss

      You seem to be mocking men’s struggles it actually does happen we men do face problems like these. To you its like we can’t protest just coz we are men. Men have rights too you know just as women have rights too. No rights are greater than the other. Don’t mock men’s rights please

    • The Praetor

      I wonder how long they(women) will be able to tide over such a boycott?

      LOL

      The Praetor

    • Robin Maurer

      While the Men’s Rights Movement is all about attacking women and their allies rather than making an alliance between survivors, some of their complaints are still valid. Look up the Duluth model, which has victimized male survivors of sexual assault and intimate partner abuse, for the crime of simply asking the authorities for help. Even one of the co-creators has denounced it. It’s placing children at risk, just because of ancient gender stereotypes that erase individual personalities, and judge us as human beings, entirely based entire on our genitals.
      And really, bad jokes about men being sex addicts, in the 21st century? In an article about domestic violence and genital mutilation? If you lack empathy, imagine your own body violated, and destroyed, by someone you trusted – you can never be alone again, with a symbol of what they could do to you – and then there’s an article saying women just like sex too much to make even a symbolic protest on your behalf…

    • gwallan

      There are quite a few jurisdictions where a man refusing his wife’s demands for sex is considered a crime. There are more jurisdictions in which women can rape men and even little boys with impunity. The precedent in my state in Australia is that even an explicit denial of consent to a specific act is not accepted for a man in any heterosexual interaction.

      I would like to ask the author if she believes boys and men should have any right to consent at all. The tone of this article suggest not.

    • toplel

      Violence against women has always been seen as a bad thing, violence against men not.

      Women have always been treated better than men, and I’m glad to see men of all backgrounds starting to fight against this.

    • Annoyed

      love the way feminists are shocked that men are withholding sex in order to have better leverage, something women have done for a millennium. Interesting how some feminists try to claim that women have a right to sex and that to be denied it is a form of abuse. so basically, women must have full control over their bodies but men should not.

    • Matthew Whitwam

      I think you’ll find that the majority of men do in fact “abstain” from rape.

    • Hlambamanzi

      Men who fail to understand security/safety issues raised
      by the women cannot offer an eloquent prayer.
      Has the discussion on gender violence caused such a
      rift in Kenya ? I dont see a reason for these few men
      to feel so insecure regarding a discussion that calls for
      for a safe world for their daughters, sisters, wives,
      children and lovers.