The news of the death of former health minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang broke on Twitter soon after lunch, and it was fun watching the back-and-forth between the editors and the public as the media frantically searched for someone to confirm the rumours. There was even a moment of drama as some claimed that Manto wasn’t in […]
Sipho Hlongwane
Sipho Hlongwane is a journalist and columnist for the Daily Maverick.
He is an avid fan of jelly beans, Top Gear, Arsenal and thinks that South Africans tend to take themselves a little too seriously.
Posted inLifestyle
What to buy for the birthday of baby Jesus?
I absolutely love Christmas time. Fewer things bring more pleasure to my heart. The socks nailed to the mantelpiece. The merry crackle of the festive log in the hearth. Or in our case, the merry crackle of the kameeldoring trees as they festively burn under the fearsome Natal sun. The sound of the children drowning […]
Posted inMedia
I’m declaring a moratorium on ‘copygate’
If I had wanted to be really thick, I would have entitled this piece “I’m Declaring Gategate on ‘-Gate’ “. But there’s a limit to how much a human being should be permitted to suffer. We all know who to blame for all of this. If, however, you’ve spent the last 37 years at the […]
Posted inNews/Politics
What have the bloody savages done now?
There’s a scene in the 1995 Jock of the Bushveld* film that has been seared into my memory. A messenger comes running up to the governor of the Cape and says, “News of Shaka, sir!” The governor then says, “What’s the bloody savage done now?” When I first heard of the interdict against umkhosi wokweshwama […]
Posted inLifestyle
My current predicament is Denny Crane’s fault
It’s December again (“hello, hello Dezember” to my Joburg folk), and your thoughts right now are probably filled with the incredibly arduous job of buying Christmas gifts, fattening the Christmas turkey and stocking the Christmas-hosting house with the appropriate foods and liquids. Good on you. Oh, by the way. If anyone has a direct number […]
Posted inLifestyle
Sipho the goatherd
No self-respecting African male is complete without a convincing herd boy experience in his past. It’s very “previously disadvantaged”. If you didn’t grow up in the rural areas and thus couldn’t have herded anything larger than a skinny township chicken, you can supplant the herd boy past with a taxi boy past. Truth be told […]
Posted inSport
Ras Bafana Bafana — they’ve lost my support
Here’s a fun question: who do you hate more, Brandon Huntley or Ras Dumisani? The white man who jaded an entire country by being a monumental ass, or da black mon who jaded an entire country by being a monumental, er Rasta? Letting alone the question of why we’re so jade-able as a country in […]
Posted inLifestyle
Movember, moustaches and other manly things
Finally, a good excuse to act like a man that doesn’t involve getting shouted at for muddying my clothes and breaking my collar bone. Raise awareness this Movember by growing your own tash! It’s for The Cancer Association of South Africa!
Posted inNews/Politics
Time to join the 21st century, Juliarse
I’m sorry, but has everyone gone mad? Wherever I turn, it’s Joost. Joost and his wife (not to mention her equine flatulence), Joost and his apology, Joost and his book. Really? A book? Have we not all suffered enough? I tell you, I have had it up to here with Joost. And considering that Andre […]
Posted inLifestyle
Speaking of names…
Sarah Britten’s post about Afrikaans names reminded me of another bunch of people who are apt to give their offspring some pretty amusing, if not unfortunate names. Black people. I’m sure this has happened to you before: you walk into the Steers, place your order, wait for 5 minutes and then accept your greasy burger […]
Posted inLifestyle
The importance of being coconut
In the olden days when men were still allowed to sport handlebar moustaches and the children of Inkosi uSenzangakhona reigned over the lands of their forefathers, life was so much simpler. Anyone who spoke your language was your friend, and everyone else was the enemy. If a chap walked up to you and said, “Molo, […]
Posted inLifestyle
A Vaalie, a Capetonian and a Zulu
A Vaalie, a Capetonian and a Zulu were driving along one day in a car … But wait, before I continue I need to make a quick detour, to explain myself. That’s the price of living in the new South Africa, I guess. I have to make sure that no one is inadvertently “disadvantaged” by […]